What Really Matters

Will you still love me when I am old and gray?
In the end what really matters is how we feel. What we really remember are the good feelings which come with our memories. ❤️ It doesn’t matter how good-looking you were when you were young or how successful you were, in the end what people will remember are the most beautiful heart and soul. #death is inevitable. #life is a choice every single moment. #SueTiong My son is greatly disturbed tonight when we answered his question on why humans grow old... and ultimately all who are born will die, old or young. Death is inevitable. Then he started asking me: Will Papa grow old and die? Will grandma grow old and die? Will grandpa grow old and die? Will auntie grow old and die? Will uncle grow old and die? Will khai Ma (godma) YP Wee grow old and die? Will my best friend grow old and die? Then he answered it himself by shaking his head vehemently with a frown on his head, no my best friend Yuan Shao will not grow old, he’s a small boy. Then a worried look came and he looked at me and asked will Auntie Ed die too? How about Uncle Jay Larimore? It broke my heart to see the pain in his eyes. My son Ray is only 4 years old with a sensitive nature and a gentle heart, bless his soul, then his next question really broke my heart: Who will I have left if everyone die? I hesitated for a second before replying that by the time everyone who is big now is old and dead, he would be a grown man like his papa and then he asked further, will there still be monsters??? I then said because he’s already big like Papa, he can fend off the monsters from his own children. He will become a Papa too. I said Papa’s mother is Popo and she has passed away because she was sick. Then Ray asked me, are you sick too? I nearly choked and replied, I am still okay, I am still alive, my son. I prodded him to go up because it was way past his bedtime, today being Friday. He got to his bed and frowned further. He hugged his bolster tightly with his eyes wide open. I snuggled up beside him and told him that everything is alright. The biggest lie any parent can tell is “Everything is alright”. He doesn’t look convinced that everything is alright. I can almost hear his little mind whirring and working and grasping the concept of death and old age. Then I kept very still and asked for a guidance to how best to close this topic and let him find closure and peace before he falls off into his slumber. This is what I told him when I took his hand and drew on his palm and touched his forehead and kissed him gently: “When Papa’s mother passed away, she was gently carried away and loved. Whatever you need, just ask and you will be given. Think happy thoughts, don’t be angry. If you are angry at us, and you keep repeating I don’t want mama, I don’t want Papa, then one day you will really don’t have mama or papa anymore because your request is granted. Be very careful with your words.” With the lesson delivered, I continued: “Just like how your Popo (papa’s mother) is protected and loved, you are very much loved too. See this unicorn blanket gifted by Auntie Jacqueline Koay, if you think you are still scared, like you are trapped in a fire and want to escape and fly far far away (he is fascinated by fire and fire engine lately) then you think happy thoughts and call the unicorn, the unicorn can fly and carry you away from the fire and keep you safe. Remember that many people love you very very much. Okay?” He nodded and I tucked him in. Now I know why we need Unicorns and monster fighters. Oh my dear baby boy, being your mother opens up a whole new world to me and every day is a lesson and a gift that I am beginning to treasure and appreciate even more with the passing of each and every day. Thank you my son for reminding me of the impermanence of life. ❤️