AND THEN WHAT? Been awhile.... Since Sue is writing again, expect this to be pretty Long. Popcorns ready. 😂 I had five back to back conference calls today including many conversations this evening at a business networking event. Connected with a few of them and I realised that ultimately, the theme is the same. "What next after you have fame, wealth, fortune?" You have food on the table, a roof over your head, you are mobile and can get around, you have a reputation, strong presence, a family, a career, SUCCESS, in other words you want for nothing, so what is next? If you do business only for money, after awhile all you will get is money and only money. There will be a void inside that money can't fill up. You will find that money cannot take away your misery, at least not permanently. You will crave for the fastest newest edition of your gadgets, your luxury cars, I am not one for cars but I am guilty of that for my phones, I have more than 4 phones, guilty as charged. I justify them with the lamest reasons, like I need to be connected all the time, it is a false need, I survived 12 days without my phone at my silent retreat and I didn't die 😂. You may indulge in intoxicants or crave for the high that alcohol or recreational drugs provide, you escape that void inside for awhile and then what? That is only a quick fix, or is it really a fix or a plaster over an infected open wound? Deep inside there is a longing to cry out loud or just to get someone to truly understand the pain you feel inside... what is this void inside, why do I keep reverting to my old thinking habits that makes me seem like a hamster on the wheel, the only problem is... the wheel is turning but the hamster has passed out. In this chase for more and MORE AND MORE, after you have more, you want more. The rush of adrenaline, the high you get when you are elated, the blood rushing to your head when you are excited. And then the crash comes... AND THEN WHAT. There was a time when I feel like I was just going through the motion, I knew I had to keep moving or else I will be consumed by the void. The fear to face the void was very true. I felt like escaping, like you are on the run and you are only running from your own shadow. Inside, deep inside, you feel so tired and you question everything that you know and you doubt everything and everyone you know. Oh yes, broken business partnerships, death of friendships and relationship, we have our own day to day struggles. Then I realised I was just running away from my own shadow. My fear was totally unfounded. And when I talk to people, and I look into their eyes, I see me, I see my fear, I see my hope, we are all the same. We have the same feelings. We are all humans. Money buys happiness but it cannot bring you true joy and peace. Happiness is good. Joy is deep. Peace is one thing many with money is lacking nowadays. I had a glimpse of inner peace earlier this month when I was a nobody and only a number on the list and not talking to anyone of the 100 over people... It was not exactly a holiday, it was a break with hard work, working to face my inner demons and fulfilling my commitment to stay the entire 10 days. It was the best proudest achievement of mine so far, for staying on and for making sure I completed the strict regime right till the end, I will go again next year. ❤️ For those of you who are wondering what I am talking about, check out this link: https://www.dhamma.org/en/index Oh don't get me wrong, I am not going to give up life as I know it or sell off all my businesses and become a recluse or a nun. AND NOW WHAT? I finally found some peace. And my heart is bursting with joy and love, that I want to share this with anyone who is looking for some peace, joy and love. And to truly smile from the heart, that feeling is simply amazing. 🙏🏻😊❤️ Something is brewing, something beautiful, something which aims to spread the art of living in peace and blending harmoniously with our pursuit of wealth. Now that is exciting! I have decided not to upgrade my phone for the next one year because I HAVE ENOUGH, and I have all that matters now. And I choose not to let the little voice of doubt inside take over my decisions. I AM NOT A BAD MOTHER FOR LEAVING my children while I travel. Whatever that I do is with them in mind. Just because you cannot understand why I can't do it your way doesn't mean that my way is wrong. Yes, I finally found peace because my biggest obstacle is my definition of being a good Mother. I cannot be the perfect Mother, I can only be a good Mother who is happy and at peace. I truly am at peace now and I am happy. ❤️ Once my energy shifted, the people around me shifted as well. Some got drawn closer, some seemed to be repelled and backed off and some totally exited my life. The only permanent thing in life is CHANGE. The only definite thing in life is DEATH. The only chance we have is NOW. So live in the moment. I CHOOSE ME. I choose to continue being me. I shall help whoever I want and I shall act on my gut feelings and intuition/6th sense whatever you call it; it has served me well over the years. As I enter my late 30s getting closer to 40, I am Glad all the pain happened when they did and all the paths I took led me to right where I am now which is exactly where I needed to be. On the 10th Anniversary of your death my precious baby, I can finally let you go... my angel. My firstborn who didn't even breathe even one gasp of air. You healed me physically and I allowed myself to grieve for you for 10 years like a living dead. I am ready to let you go now my precious little angel. I knew you can't make it today before you finally left my body 2 weeks later, call it a mother's instinct. Thank you for coming into my life no matter how brief. I release all the guilt that I am a bad Mother for not being able to allow you to grow and live. I release you now my baby. I am finally at peace. ❤️ This blog post is dedicated to all women and men who have experienced the loss of a loved one in any way at all and also to all the human beings who feel that there is more to life than just birth, and money and death. May we all find inner peace and true joy within.